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garyfritz
Joined: 08 Apr 2006
Posts: 12088
Location: Fort Collins, CO
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| Posted: Sat Aug 02, 2014 6:22 pm Post subject: |
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| Curt Palme wrote: | | I was accused some time ago by more than one ex, that I never wanted to be alone, so I'd get into another relationship right after ending one. Last year, for the first time in a long time, I was alone for the better part of a year. I realized that they were right, I was filling voids (and other voids <grin>), as Gary said above. |
Yup. Being alone sucks, at least for me. But being in a bad relationship sucks worse.
I am DAMN particular. I have no interest in jumping into the sack with anybody who'll hold still, and I damnsure don't want to get into any kind of a relationship with somebody who doesn't meet my standards. So especially since I'm no movie star (meaning I don't meet the standards of some women I'd be interested in), I may be single for a long long time. Which is depressing, since I'm already pushing 60.
| Quote: | | Having said that though, I don't always agree with Gary's second point. How many guys bitch that the sex stops after marriage? |
Sure, it happens. And/or the sweet lady you married turns into a raving psychobitch. You have to try to feel that out ahead of time. By the time we got serious about marriage, it was obvious my wife enjoyed sex with me a lot. I wasn't worried about that. And she wasn't crazy, at the time. But things can change over time. That's how divorces happen...
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CasetheCorvetteman
Joined: 09 Nov 2008
Posts: 6326
Location: Australia
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| Posted: Sun Aug 03, 2014 4:55 am Post subject: |
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| garyfritz wrote: | Like I said Case, if you don't work at your relationship you'll be single. In your case you prefer it that way and you're happy that way, and that's great! More power to ya and I envy you. I wish I was totally happy being single. It definitely has some huge advantages but it has some very big disadvantages too.
But for anyone who chooses to be in a relationship, who wants to STAY in that relationship, "no effort required" ain't gonna work. Two people living happily together isn't really a "natural" state that works without any effort. Two people are going to be DIFFERENT, with different tastes, priorities, preferences, habits. It takes cooperation and compromise, from BOTH sides. It takes consideration of the other person. It means you don't always get your way. Because if you insist on always getting your way, if you don't consider the other person's feelings, you won't be in a relationship for long. |
There is no question about whether or not i agree with alot of what you say here Gary, and you and i are not the same, we both have different goals and different aspects on things.
For me i couldnt really care less about sex, its just not important to me. I am still very good friends with my ex partner, and i still see her quite often. The reason it didnt work was nothing to do with lack of effort, i would say it was too much effort, and it got to the point of smothering. She is without a doubt an exceptional lady, but no way known will i go back to considering myself in a relationship with her, even though we share so many common interests. We both play the same sort of video games, we both love movies and she loves CRT projectors as much as i do. We both love Mercedes Benz cars and neither one of us would want anything less. And do i love her? Yes, absolutely, but i love my sister and my mother too. Im very happy to have her in my life, but at the same time im very happy to have all my friends in my life. Im very happy to have you and many other users of this forum in my life. You all mean something to me in different ways, and without you all ( on this forum or others ) my life would not be as happy as it is. But at the end of the day i wouldnt change a thing about my life now.
I do indeed spend a considerable amount of time on my own relaxing here, and im very happy doing that.
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CasetheCorvetteman
Joined: 09 Nov 2008
Posts: 6326
Location: Australia
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| Posted: Sun Aug 03, 2014 5:05 am Post subject: |
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| Curt Palme wrote: | I was accused some time ago by more than one ex, that I never wanted to be alone, so I'd get into another relationship right after ending one. Last year, for the first time in a long time, I was alone for the better part of a year. I realized that they were right, I was filling voids (and other voids <grin>), as Gary said above.
Being alone definitely allowed me to concentrate on work, and improving minor other areas of my life.
Having said that though, I don't always agree with Gary's second point. How many guys bitch that the sex stops after marriage? My engagement a few years ago was a complete bait and switch. Ditto for a couple of other relationships. Gary, I was a complete introvert until in my late 20s. Didn't talk to anyone unless it was work related, and then it was only about work stuff. Once I came out of my shell, I overcompensated, and was a slut for most of my 30s. 
I still don't consider myself to have any game or to be a pickup artist, but getting a date/getting laid, if I was single, wouldn't be an issue. Listen to Tom Leykis on Thursdays at www.blowmeuptom.com, at 5 PM. He does a show all about getting laid, and while I'm too old to follow all of it, it sure worked for me in my 30s. His basic rules are solid, even though his show aims for an 18-25 crowd.
Right now I have a great woman, I'd think those that met her at Cliff's place would agree. Best ever, and that's not BS. It took, however, 50 years to find her. A good part of that was my own issues, but a lot of it was separating the wheat from the chaff, I'd say. If I look at all my married friends on Facebook, I'd say well under 50% are truly happy in their marriages. If I ever go down that road, I'll make damn sure I stay in that happy minority.
BTW, as a bit of an aside, I almost came back to my computer the next morning after I kinda dumped on Digital, as I felt bad for posting something pretty harsh. I was a bit surprised to see others do the same after my post, so I left it. |
Curt i think if was to look over your postings and emails of the past few years ive known you, i can see clearly when youre happy and when youre probably not as happy. The past few months youve certainly been very happy, and not that ive seen you unhappy, but there is a difference some may notice. Whatever is going on there now seems to be working very well for you mate 
I dont think anyone here was dumping on Andy, but id say he is up to the task anyway
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